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How to Handle an Intimidating, Inflaming and Immature E-mail

Many a times you would receive an e-mail which is written in a "not so good taste".

The person who sent it might feel great when sending it.

But will realize how dumb he really was to even send such an e-mail in the first place.

And if he doesn't. then he is even dumber than just dumb!

By the way, such people might otherwise sound quite mature but if they do such things, it is obvious that they are carrying several chinks in their armour.

Such e-mails are intimidating.

They test your courage in keeping quiet and not responding to that e-mail likewise.

Such emails are inflaming.

They test your patience in controlling your emotions in face of strong provocation.

Such e-mails are immature.

They test your maturity in calibrating your approach to take care of the big picture.

Also, as you read such an email, the realisation that the person who sent it is immature and childish will give you the right perspective.

Mature people do not throw tantrums when they run out of arguments.

Mature people do not send e-mails written in a "not so good taste".

They discuss the differences with the other person.

And try to resolve differences through dialog and deliberations.

And do all that in a open-minded manner.

So the first and the only thing to do, is to write tersely, may be just a one-line, about setting-up a discussion on the issue at hand.

Do not try to resolve anything on the e-mail.

Focus on setting-up a discussion and resolving the differences in that.

Never, ever, write an e-mail in the kind.

Since if you do that, then you are perhaps a bigger idiot than the idiot who sent the first such email in the first place.

Stop the strong urge you might have to shoot back a stinging response e-mail adopting a nastier tone than the nasty tone in the e-mail you received.

Never do that.

It is a fact, that such an e-mail reflects everything about the person which sent it rather than anyone else including the recipient.

The person sending will have something going on in the background like:

  • He is mentally quite weak and vulnerable otherwise and sending such e-mails gives him a sense of "false" victory (it is all fake though and quite ephemeral)
  • He has other problems in life and uses such an e-mail to vent out his pent-up frustrations and feelings of despair (again it gives a false sense of comfort and for a short time)
  • He feels threatened in terms of his power and position and is indirectly asking that he be given respect (genuine respect is earned through actions and not because of the position you hold)
  • He has problem with managing his ego which might have got bloated up without him even realising it and such e-mails help pamper it (bigger ego than one's actual status will always lead to trouble, and ego pampering can make it even worse)

The moment you understand the underlying psychology behind such an email you will have mixed feelings.

You will feel pity for the person sending such an e-mail as that person might be requiring psychological interventions to correct the behavioural traits.

You will also feel elated at the fact that you did not over-react to an e-mail that was nothing but an over-action from someone who needs psychological help.

Of course, you should never suggest this to the sender.

You can have empathy and compassion, but maturity requires that you must stay quiet.

The biggest reason is, you must focus on getting what you want from the person sending such an e-mail.

And only on your problem.

If that person realizes his problem, then that is good.

If not, that is not your problem.

And it never was.

So, stay away from it altogether.

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