When You Develop Infatuation For Your Subordinate

In your life, just like in every one's life, on one hand, you have your own set of needs, desires and dreams and on the other hand, issues, challenges and disappointments.

On the professional front, you are very good, in fact excellent, at the work you have chosen in your career.

Though you are good at your work and you really and passionately love what you do, the company and industry doesn't give much value to it since it does not generate cash for the business and the company.

You are actually stuck in your current organization since you have been trying, desperately too at times, but not getting anything better.

At the same time, you have reached the peak as far as your growth in that company is concerned.

You will never reach the next level in that company since it is a small shop run by a Lala and his coterie of old boys club.

In a Lala company, rules are followed or not followed, depending upon the convenience of the powers that be which includes the Lala and his stooges.

In fact, you shudder at the thought of going to the next level because then you have to be a "yes sir" person and be ready to do things that may not actually be quite ethical.

You see many folks, some of them reporting into you and some in other teams in that company who are just passing their time.

Many of these strange folks reach office late in a very leisurely manner, have multiple and long tea-breaks, have long post-lunch silly chit-chat breaks and leave dot at the close of official business day.

Basically doing a lot of non-sense at the expense of the company time but eventually wasting their entire life in trivial and silly stuff.

You are different and you don't do any of that non-sense.

However, you clearly realize that you have reached a point in your career where you work with zeal and passion only for yourself and not for the company.

So, at some level, you are happy with the current situation in your professional life.

Of course, things could have been better.

On your personal front, you are doing just okay.

You are married but not exactly happy with your spouse.

You believe in staying healthy so you take care of what you eat.

There are couple of physical wellness and health issues with you, some of which are genetic, that you have for quite some time and that you think you will be grappling with till the very end of your life.

You have high energy levels in all dimensions - physical, mental, spiritual.

Your have certain physical needs which come very naturally to you and you don't think there is anything wrong with that.

You are financially in a very strong position.

And you can actually retire tomorrow if you so wish.

One thing you always think of and that makes you feel settled and at peace with yourself is that "you will be dead one day".

The thought that your needs, desires and dreams and issues, challenges and disappointments are very transient and will disappear the day your die, makes you quite philosophical and at ease with your own self and your very existence.

However, overall, there are many things that bother you, make you unsettled and not at ease.

You feel unfulfilled and unsatisfied at times.

You also have several vulnerabilities.

And suddenly in the middle of all that is happening with you and around you, you get someone who joins your team.

You like that person though she happens to be your subordinate.

You very well know you can't cross certain limits as it will impact your professional life.

That person looks to be vulnerable and grappling with some personal and emotional issues.

As you see potential in that person from a competency point of view, you provide certain opportunities to her that you would have provided in any other case too.

You also start developing some sort of infatuation for that subordinate of yours.

Its hard to figure out the reason for that.

When you are with that person, you sometime have some thoughts which are somehow related to the emotional connect factors.

You even have physical attraction for that person.

However, you exercise complete control and caution.

You very well know the consequences that would follow if you were to cross certain boundaries.

That subordinate is not really very beautiful or attractive, but you find her to be attractive.

And you don't even know why it is so.

You like her sense of dressing and clothing.

You like her work-related competencies and performance.

You also have feelings for her due to her vulnerabilities.

You like the conversations you have with her.

You wait in the morning to catch a glimpse of her.

You like to be in meetings where she is  also there.

You even think of creating opportunities where you can be with her.

At the same time, you are different.

You are different and you don't do any non-sense.

You control your feelings, emotions, physical desires.

That is what you are.

You have needs, desires and dreams.

They do not control you though.

You are the one who is in complete control of your needs, desires and dreams.

That subordinate may go away tomorrow.

You know for sure that it will happen some day which may not be far away.

And you know it is just infatuation.

And you will be able to come around it.

It may result in you having some sort of feelings and thoughts which may bring you issues, challenges and disappointments

However, they do not control you.

You are the one who does everything possible to be in control of your issues, challenges and disappointments.

You may not fully succeed in that but you keep on trying your level best.

And then you realize you are just a simple, weak human being who is just trying to do your best to control what happens to you in your life.

The infatuation you have developed for that subordinate is something that you have to learn how to deal with.

You are clueless because the infatuation has come very naturally to you.

You think of getting closer to that subordinate and supposing she reciprocates your feelings, you even imagine that things would become more serious, and you would divorce your spouse and marry her.

That would not be alright though.

Or you may think of getting physically intimate with that subordinate and risk your professional life.

You very well know, in case things don't go the right way you may be in big trouble with respect to workplace harassment case being brought against you.

You also secretly wish you could get physically intimate with her and it stays just that way and stays just between the two of you.

You do know, however, that since she is not married, she may want any relationship of this sort to turn into a long-term commitment and marriage which may not be possible.

Also, you wonder, why would she be interested in getting physically intimate with you.

You have certain power over her and that may be all which is there but you might think of it as otherwise.

You may think you are getting some feelers at times but the signals could all be wrong.

Also, as you are very superior to her, she would do certain things on professional front simply because she reports into you.

When you develop such infatuation, it is a difficult situation to be in.

You have to be sensitive and sensible.

Let that infatuation remain just that.

Infatuation!

How Bewakoofi, Badtameezi, Badmaashi, Jaldbaazi and Laparwaahi Ultimately Result into the Same Thing

For understanding the deeper meaning of the title of this post, it is important to first and foremost understand the meaning of the following Hindi/Urdu words.

Bewakoofi - This means stupidity or idiocy.

Badtameezi - This means lack of good manners or uncouth behavior.

Badmaashi - This means doing a mischievous or malicious act.

Jaldbaazi - This means undue hurry or haste in doing something.

Laparwaahi - This means carelessness or lack of attentiveness.

So what is that same thing which the above ultimately result into?

The answer is Nuksaan, which means harm or damage.

What kind of harm or damage we are talking about?

Nuksaan or harm or damage could be across one or more of the following dimensions:

• Physical or bodily harm
• Loss of peace of mind
• Financial and material loss
• Reputation loss

And how does that happen?

All the above first lead to one or more of the following:

• You do things that ought not to be done
• You do things that ought to be done but not in the way they ought to be done
• You do not do things that ought to be done

All the above then, consequently and ultimately, result in some or other form of harm or damage.

If you are Bewakoof, you will do something stupid and invite harm your way.

If you are Badtameez, you will do something bad to others and invite harm your way.

If you are Badmassh, you will harm others and invite harm your way.

If you are in Jaldibaazi, you will not do things in the right way and invite harm your way.

If you are Laparwaah, you will forget to do the needful and invite harm your way.

What is the take-away from all this?

Very simple.

You ought to stay away from Bewakoofi, Badtameezi, Badmaashi, Jaldbaazi and Laparwaahi.

And thus ultimately manage to stay away from Nuksaan.

No Bewakoofi, Badtameezi, Badmaashi, Jaldbaazi and Laparwaahi, No Nuksaan.

You Get What You Deserve, Not What You Dream, Desire or Demand

Everyone has dreams.

Everyone has desires.

Everyone has demands.

However, you don't get what you dream, desire or demand.

You get what you deserve.

That's a sad reality of life.

Sometimes it may appear that someone gets things but are not truly deserving.

The truth, however, is that the one who decides to give is the one who also gets to decide whom to give.

For the giver, the one who gets from him is the one he thinks deserves that.

So how does one handle this kind of situation?

How to know whether you deserve to get what you dream, desire or demand?

Well, there is no secret recipe.

The right way to handle this is focus on what is in your control and to consciously ignore what is not in your control.

What actions you take are in your control.

What happens after you have done what you did is not in your control.

The right to handle this is, then, to focus on only one thing.

That one thing is  - actions you should take!

Focus on what you ought to do and do those things.

That's it.

Forget the rest.

Whether you get what you dream, desire or demand or you don't, you stay composed.

Neither win nor loss should elate your or shatter you.

You become like a monk who just does his stuff.

You become someone who doesn't care about the stuff that might come your way.

You become "Arjuna" who is told to focus on taking the right actions for the rightful reasons and not fret about the consequences of those actions.

An earlier post titled Karmanya Vadhikaraste Maa Phaleshu Kadachan dwelt upon this at great length.

In summary, Karmanya Vadhikaraste Maa Phaleshu Kadachan, is the mantra to follow.

How to Know for Sure the Company You Work at is a Highly Unprofessional Lala Company?

It is Friday evening.

You are at work in what you think is the last meeting of the day.

All of a sudden someone walks inside your room with a sick swag.

This person is carrying a foul-smelling smugness, conceit and stupidity on her face.

You are told someone has said something needs to be done on Monday.

You are not given a choice.

You are not given a chance.

For you this is supposed to be just FYI - for your information.

At that time many of the words and phrases depicted in the picture below run across your mind.

So what is the key takeaway for you?

Just one - you are not at all important.

You do not matter.

The person who walked inside your room matters.

Also those two who told him what needs to be done also matter.

Others folks are inconsequential.

You are the other folks.

You get a sick feeling in your stomach.

This is not the first time you have experienced this kind of non-sense.

You get up.

You say "yes".

You know you can't say "no".

And you also very well know saying "no" is meaningless.

The person and those two who told this person are all one and the same.

They are idiots and asses likewise in cahoots with each other.

The two gentlemen who pretend to be professional and polished are just the opposite.

They are highly unprofessional and dirty at the core.

At that point you sort of give up.

You know you are in a strange situation.

As you pack your bag and walk down to the car parking area a funny thought crosses your mind.

What kind of a company are you in?

And as you drive out of the office building you suddenly get the picture clear in your mind!

What the hell.

You knew all the way, since the day one, what kind of a company you were in.

Highly unprofessional.

Totally lala company.

There is no way you could have ever missed that.

The signs of trouble in the fake paradise, your company is, were always there for you to see.

The henchman of the two idiots is not an employee but a servant.

This person does all their dirty work.

There is no distinction between professional and private matters.

Everything is fair in a lala company.

There are no rules in the real sense.

The biggest lala of them all expects loyalty, blind loyalty.

You feel relaxed immediately.

You know what all you have been through all this while.

And you also know what is the real truth behind the false facade.

Accept it.

You are in a highly unprofessional lala company.

That's it.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

And what happened this time will happen again.

And again.

And yet again.

How You Solve A Problem Tells What Kind Of A Person You Are

Problem solving is an essential life skill.

This skill is really one of key differentiators between what makes one person very successful and the other not that successful or even not at all successful.

So what kind of situations typically come up in the life for any person.

Broadly speaking, there are five types of situations.

And based on what level of problem solving ability a person demonstrates in these situations, people can be broadly classified into five categories.

• Genius - can see things quite clearly and for any given situation can think in several dimensions as if she has multiple brains
• Intelligent -  needs to be told what the problem exactly is but can think of different ways to solve a problem
• Average - needs to be fed the approach right into the mind but can figure out the solution there after
• Idiot - needs to be told what the solution exactly is but can understand what the solution exactly is and why the solution is the solution
• Hopeless - not able to understand the solution even after being told what the solution is and also, at times, not able to understand what the problem exactly was

Genius - a person can be considered genius provided she, in a given situation, is able to:

• First of all, figure out and define what the exact problem is
• Then, think of the approach to solve that problem
• And then, solve the problem using that approach
• And finally, arrive at the correct and the exact solution

Intelligent - a person can be considered intelligent provided she, in a given situation, is able to:

• First of all, receive the problem statement in a clearly articulated manner but be in a position to correctly understand what the problem exactly is
• Then, be able to think of the approach to solve that clearly articulated problem
• And then, solve the problem using that approach
• And finally, arrive at the correct and the exact solution

Average - a person can be considered average provided she, in a given situation, is able to:

• First of all, receive the problem statement in a clearly articulated manner but be in a position to correctly understand what the problem exactly is
• Then, also receive the approach that needs to be used to solve that problem but be in a position to understand what the approach to be used exactly is
• And then, solve the problem using that approach
• And finally, arrive at the correct and the exact solution

Idiot - a person can be considered idiot provided she, in a given situation, is able to:

• First of all, receive the problem statement in a clearly articulated manner but be in a position to correctly understand what the problem exactly is
• Then, also receive the approach that needs to be used to solve that problem but be in a position to understand what the approach to be used exactly is
• And then, also receive the solution to the problem derived using that approach but be in a position to understand what the solution exactly is
• And finally, understand why that solution is the correct and the exact solution for the given problem

Hopeless - a person can be considered hopeless provided she, in a given situation, is able to:

• First of all, receive the problem statement in a clearly articulated manner
• Then, also receive the approach that needs to be used to solve that problem
• And then, also receive the solution to the problem derived using that approach
• But finally, still not understand why that solution is the correct and the exact solution for the given problem and at times, at the end of it, not even be sure of what the exact problem was!

The above five categories are, as stated earlier, very broad-based.

Most of the people would generally fall between the above categories.

The above categorization, however, provides a neat framework to understand how people solve problem in response to a given situation.

Knowing which one you are may provide you deep insight into your own capabilities.

That way this would be quite useful.

So which one are you?