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Saturday, February 3, 2018

Don't Say, Don't Tell, Don't Ask, Don't Listen

What happens when your channels of communication with another person break down?

At least four distinct things happen.

You don't say anything to that person.

You don't tell anything to that person.

You don't ask that person for anything.

And you don't listen to that person.

Why would your relationship with a person come to such a stage where there is a complete breakdown of your channels of communication with that person?

There are many reasons.

The first reason is difference in the way you think versus the way the other person thinks.

You might think the relation between you and the other person should work in a certain way.

You might think something is important.

But the other person may think differently.

An example of this:
  • You may consider physical intimacy and sexual relations with your spouse to be a important bedrock for a happy and wholesome marriage.
  • However, your spouse would seem not to care at all about this.
  • This may result in verbal conflicts and disagreements.
  • That eventually leads to breakdown.

The second reason is the gradual building up of ego.

You slowly start thinking that why you should always initiate the communication with the other person. Especially when there is a temporary breakdown.

Temporary breakdown of your channels of communication with another person can slowly become permanent because of ego coming in the way.

An example of this:
  • After every minor fight with your spouse you might be the one who always initiates the first interaction to normalize the relation.
  • However, your spouse behaves in an odd way and is also never the one to initiate the thawing process.
  • So slowly you might come to a stage where you would say, "why should I be the first one, every time?". Your spouse might think, "why shouldn't you".
  • That eventually leads to breakdown.

The third reason is that you may slowly grow over the need to have any relation with a person.

Communication is necessary to build relation with another person.

If the other person doesn't respond in kind for very long you might grow over the need to continue any meaningful relation with that person.

And once you don't consider the relation with a person important the need to keep your channels of communication diminishes and at times would simply cease to exist.

An example of this:
  • You spouse refuses and avoids physical intimacy and sexual relations for silly reasons.
  • After several refusals and rejections you slowly develop your mental mechanism to start reacting in a certain way.
  • You develop the attitude, "I also don't care any longer. This is all over".
  • That eventually leads to breakdown.

And finally, you then enter the state where you "Don't Say, Don't Tell, Don't Ask, Don't Listen."

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