Laugh Out Loud - You are in a Bloody, Third Grade, Toxic Organization

Why laugh out loud?

Because if you are in a bloody, third grade, toxic organization, things cannot be any worse than what they are and hence can only get better here on.

So laugh out loud!

What happens in a bloody, third grade, toxic organization that makes it a bloody, third grade, toxic organization?

Well, many things and most of them bad.

Here are some such things that you will certainly come across.

• The company is managed by a close-knit coterie comprising of third-rate, unethical, unprofessional and toxic people
• The only factor that matters in such a company is loyalty to the chief of the toxic tribe and the prevalent toxic-laden tribal culture
• The coterie manages through back-channel discussions and back-door machinations and manipulations
• The HR in such companies is nothing more then a moronic stooge of the management. The only role of the head of HR in such companies is to work as a parrot of the top man
• The head of HR in such companies is an expert in toxicity and adept in managing things through manipulation and sickening, unprofessional relationship with the top management and the coterie
• Those in the coterie in such organizations behave as if they are the smartest folks on the planet. For them, everyone else is beneath them. Their toxicity and exclusivity is too evident to ignore.
• Those in the coterie are put in the key positions by the top man. The reason for this to happen has nothing to do with their competency but just one thing - blind loyalty like a dog to the master, the top man!
• If you are ethical and professional, you won't matter in such organizations. You will be like a golden fish in a  dirty pond. You will live but barely survive. Not to forget the bad smell you will have to live with due to the toxicity around you
• You will be forced to report into an ass-licking, incompetent, childish, toxic, comical ass-hole and will have a tough time
• You can't escalate the above issues to the top man as the top man himself will be like that. In addition, how can you expect the top man to listen anything about his pet puppies in the very coterie that he has fathered
• While you stay in such a company you will have a bad ride due to the toxicity created and propagated by those in the coterie
• Your views will not matter in the real sense. The coterie will finally have their way using back-channel discussions and back-door machinations and manipulations
• You will be as good as a nothing in such organizations. You will not have much say in the affairs of the company. And even if you are heading a department you will be by-passed and humiliated and made to look like a fool. The coterie will do everything and make use of  back-channel discussions and back-door machinations and manipulations to make you feel so

If you can survive such a company, hats off to you!

It means a very good thing about you - you are truly a positive person and totally professional.

And yes, you should laugh out loud.

There's nothing you can do other than move on fast.

And till that time, just laugh out loud!

Is the HR in the Company You Work with Unethical and Unprofessional?

No. Maybe. Yes!

Well, whatever is your answer, you are right.

No, because if the HR in your company is unethical and unprofessional, they will never admit to it.

In this case the answer, the official one, will be - No.

Maybe, because HR is about confusing employees by interpreting the policies as per the liking of the management in such companies.

Otherwise, why do you think they will allow an unethical and unprofessional HR team to be there in the first place?

In this case the answer will be - Maybe.

Yes, because facts speak for themselves. This, unfortunately, is the true answer though.

However, no one will ever admit to it.

In this case the answer, the true one, will be - Yes.

So if you are in a bad situation in your corporate life where should you look at?

Company culture.

That's it. Nothing more. Nothing less.

In some sense a company with a bad culture will breed a bad HR and vice-versa.

How do you know the HR in the company you work with is unethical and unprofessional?

Here are some signs that you can watch out for:

• They talk to an employee who has resigned behind the back of the reporting manager. They just want to show how smart they are in retaining employees. They think reporting managers are fools and can go to hell.
• The head of HR carries a sick, condescending attitude. He thinks that only he is the smart person around. Others don't know much.
• The head of HR is unethical to the core. He is an ass-licker and keeps the management in good humor. He thinks employees are like tissue papers and hence no point in wasting your energy on addressing their genuine concerns.
• They get all kind of rituals started in the organization like 1-on-1, skip level meetings, group meetings, open forums, open house, all hands meeting and what not. The intent is not to change anything but to confuse everyone.
• They allow the management to put in place a reporting structure that breeds coterie culture. In fact, the head of HR in such companies is part of the coterie and does all non-sense to perpetuate coterie culture.
• They communicate to employees using funny language when ever something at their end goes really wrong. Instead of owing their mistakes and saying "Issues have been reported" they talk like clowns and say "We have been given to understand".
• They write disparaging and unnecessarily long emails on trivial issues. For them 0.01 difference between two numbers on a scale of 1 to 6 is something of a big concern and they create big, bad scene about it. 

In case you are stuck in such an organization, you will find yourself in humiliating situations very often than not.

You will be getting unprofessional and childish emails from time to time.

You will be getting to hear humiliating comments from time to time.

You will see silly acts being performed by the coterie every now and then.

You will see the head of HR behave like a schoolboy in front of the principal, the top man!

In such situations, you must plan to leave immediately.

However, make sure you remain ethical and professional till you are not able to move on.

Remember, ethics and professionalism do matter, in the long run and in the good organizations.

Don't become a pig in the dirty pond you might be in right now.

Stay put. 

But remain ethical and professional. 

When the Person You Report into is Mean and Manipulative

What happens when the person that you are forced to report into (let us say P) is totally incompetent, unprofessional, unethical and a spineless creature?

Such a person will hold on to his position and comfortably remain in the good books of the top man by being a blind loyalist to the top man.

How do Ps in the corporate world survive?

First and foremost, they are blind loyalists of the top man, never take a stand and always stay in line without thinking of ethics and propriety, those can very well go to hell.

For them the top man is like god. And like a dog follows his master, whatever the top dog says, they will obey like an obedient puppy.

So, really speaking, they are are like corporate puppies wagging their tail behind the top dog.

In addition to the above, here are other ways they "somehow" manage.

• They are mean and manipulative
• They do not share relevant information with you
• Even if they share the information it is never on time
• They play dirty tricks behind your back
• They are totally unprofessional
• They are unethical

The Ps use the above techniques and manage to survive but only in certain types of organizations.

So what kind of organizations breed Ps like a swamp breeds mosquitoes?

Here are some characteristics of such organizations.

• In such companies merit has no place, only loyalty to the top man matters
• Such companies are managed by a coterie consisting of the top man and his stooges
• Such companies have unprofessional reporting structure
• Such companies have highly manipulative HR, where the HR head is a part of the dirty coterie, is extremely manipulative and carries a condescending air when dealing with employees
• Such companies have certain people who are beyond the policies and procedures
• Such companies are manged by the coterie of founding members who are unethical and unprofessional
• In such companies when someone resigns, the coterie plays tricks behind the back of the actual head of the department to show as if they are the most caring lot
• In such companies the hiring and HR folks are masters of double-game. They tell different stories to different people and keep the non-coterie stakeholders in the dark

It is easy to now imagine what would happen when you are forced to report into a P in such an organization?

Anything is possible other that what is fair, professional and good.

The P is well-entrenched in the system and is cool about that in a very cunning way along with the others in the coterie.

So what are the typical attributes of a P?

• He is mean and manipulative
• He is a slave of the top man
• He is a good pal of the others in the dirty coterie
• He comes to office when he wants to
• He shares information when he feels like
• He knows very well that he will never get fired (after all he is not in the company he is the company along with the coterie).
• He is a master manipulator
• He is incompetent but knows how to manage without doing anything
• He comes to office essentially to pass time and does so very cunningly by involving himself in corporate social activities, sports clubs, exercises classes, gymnasium, etc.
• He is asked to look after areas where he knows nothing due to this loyalty
• He gets promoted due to loyalty and not merit, which he doesn't have even an iota of

Handling a P who is mean and manipulative is very hard. He will do all the wrong things but can make it appear as if the other person did those wrong things.

He is more cunning than a fox and more poisonous than a snake.

The smart thing is to stay alert and stay away as getting involved in a fight could have disastrous consequences for you.

The reason for the above is that P is a blind loyalist of the top man. So if you talk to the top man, you know what will happen - nothing.

Also, P is a good friend of those in the coterie including the head of HR. So if you think talking to HR will help, you could not be more wrong.

Best strategy is to stay away from Ps to the the extent you can.

However, stay put till you get an option to move on to.

Do that fast. Handling Ps is tough. And the Ps are not going away any time soon!

Why You Should Not Let Your Blood Boil Seeing the Top Man Led Comical Club of Coterie in a Company, Though Boil It Certainly Will

Top man led coterie-infested organizations are an interesting subject for anyone studying about corporate culture.

What are the typical characteristics of such companies:

• They are typically small to medium-sized with the level of professionalism being on the lowest side of the scale.
• They have a group of specific individuals or a family as the owner, promoter and majority shareholder.
• The desire of the top people is no less than a diktat in such organizations. And the top people are not connected with the ground realities.
• The conversations in such organizations typify the lack of empowerment. They usually go like this, "VXY has asked this to be done" (where VXY is the top man or one of the members of the coterie).
• Those in the coterie are neither competent nor ethical. They are where they are because of one and only one reason - blind loyalty to the top man. Those in the coterie are essentially a pack of "yes sir dogs" of their owner!

Being in such an organization will make your blood boil.

No doubt about it. That is simply inevitable.

However, you should not let your blood boil.

Every dark cloud a one silver lining but such a situation has many.

• Those in the coterie will not be able to find a job elsewhere so they stay put. You can find a job elsewhere.
• Those in the coterie have no choice but remain a blind loyalist of the top guy. You can afford not to be a loyalist.
• Those in the coterie make the organization a stinking swamp, enjoy playing diry games and start stinking themselves. You can find a better place to play, playing in stinking swamp is no fun.
• Those in the coterie like playing in the mud and are like pigs. You are not a pig and that's a very good news.

So if you are in position where you are in such an organization which can make your blood boil, no point in worrying.

You have to start looking for the nearest exit.

And as soon as you find one, get going. Get out.

If Your Only USP at Your Current Employer is Blind Loyalty to the Top Leaders You are either Totally Inspired or Highly Incompetent

There are two types of employees in any organization.

The first type are those who can find another job to move on to should they wish to. One may call such people as GTG (good to go).

And the second type are those who can't find another job to move on to however hard they may try. One may call such people as GFN (good for nothing)

If blind loyalty is your only USP at your current employer then you are either totally inspired or highly incompetent.

It is generally true that if you are a GFN employee, your blind loyalty will be because of the fact that you are a highly incompetent.

It is also generally true that if you are a GTG employee, your blind loyalty will be because of the fact that you are a totally inspired.

So what are you?

Are you totally inspired or are you highly incompetent?

Are you a GTG or a GFN?

Note: Blind loyalty to the top leaders is the key mantra for the GFN to survive!

What Happens When Loyalty and "Yes Sir" Culture Matters More than Merit and Performance?

What happens when loyalty and "yes sir" culture matters more than merit and performance ? Very simply, nothing!

It is quite common to observe that not many positive things happen in an organization where such negative things happen.

The most obvious indication that one is working in an orgnization where such a thing is happening frequently and blatantly is to come across what can be called as the presence of a "pack of jokers".

The jokers along with the chief clown form the coterie or the inner circle. The primary reasons for someone to be a joker are - blind loyalty to the chief clown and blind faith in the power of "yes sir".

The jokers have hare-brained ideas, ostrich-like view of vision and strategy and fox-type cunningness.

So what all funny stuff do the jokers do?

• The jokers are good at writing negative emails.
• The jokers along with the chief clown go for lunch together
• The jokers are like stooges of the chief clown
• The jokers carry an air of hollow exclusivity and a sick holier than thou attitude
• The jokers are un-professionals to the core
• The jokers carry a third-grade smirk on their dirty faces
• The jokers indulge in manipulation and unethical conduct

Ignoring merit and performance implies that the organization's growth remains stunted and a distant dream at that.

The competency required for growing the business is, generally speaking, simply missing in the jokers and the chief clown.

So what happens in such an organization is very simply, nothing. Business growth remains stunted, margins remain under pressure and profits keep on going down.

However, and most worryingly, one thing keeps on going up in such an organization.

The jumbo-sized egos and incompetene levels of the chief clown and his pack of jokers. That keeps on inching upwards for all the wrong reasons!

Signs that Tell You that the Organization You are Working with has a Third Grade Culture

Culture is everything.

In the words of Lou Gerstner, the famus former chairman and CEO of IBM:

"The thing I have learned at IBM is that culture is everything."

So very true.

When culture is everything, working in an organization with a third grade culture can be as bad as it can ever get. Or probably even worse.

So what are the signs that tell you that the organization you are working with has a third grade culture?

Here are some such signs:

• The organization is led by a pack of jokers who lack the essential leadership competences and are nothing but a close-knit coterie of loyalists
• Competence. fairness and transparency are words that are simply irrelevant for the pack of jokers leading such an organiztion
• The term "open culture" is a way used by the pack of jokers to keep unsettled the competent and professional people working down under
• The pack of jokers (who are long-timers) as well as the other long timers (who are good for nothing) in such organizations carry a chip on their shoulders and are arrogant to the core. They believe and behave as if the organization is there only because of them.
• The pack of jokers are thoroughly incompetent but survive and thrive since they are "yes sir" henchmen of the the top joker and seek their rent from the organization as result of their devotion to the top joker.
• The top joker and the pack of jokers reporting into him use the resource of the organization for personal use. And sadly, this happens in quite a naked manner.
• The pack of jokers are immature and unprofessional to the core. They keep on doing silly stuff constantly like hiding information, writing stupid emails.
• More often that not, the pack of jokers also indugle in toxic behaviours at the workplace like writing negative emails, spreading negativity, playing dirty games, holding behind-the-back meetings.
• Worst of all, in such organizations, the top joker and the pack of jokers not only perform third grade acts but also sponsor it blatantly by choosing to ignore it or supporting it actively.

Working in a organization with a third grade culture can be pretty challening.

It can stress test your wits and your ability to remain collected, positive and professional in the wake of negeativity created by the pack of jokers.

So how can you go about handling this situation?

You must look at the your job and you life with a bigger picture approach and not feel down due to the fact that you work in an organization with a third grade culture.

You should first quickly assess whether the pack of jokers are going to do anything about it and how bad the situation has become (naturally as a result of the damage brought in by the pack of jokers themselves).

If the situation is really bad you must decide to move on immediately. There is no point in wasting your energies on something that is hopeless.

Also it may soon turn dangerous causing serious harm to you mental and physical health.

Moving out, and that too fast, is the best thing you can do in most of such situations. Otherwise you can turn into a corporate martyr in no time.

Sadly, such an organization will gradually veer towards a stage where it will have to eventually "shut the shop" putting your career in grave jeopardy.

How the Problem Subordinate in Your Team is Like that Bad Apple in the Fruit Basket?

Have you come across a problem subordinate in your team?

If you have done people management even for a while, you would have a strong "Yes" as your answer. And that's not really surprising.

A problem subordinate is like a bad apple in the fruit basket. They need to be confronted and corrected.

There would typically be one problem subordinate in your team (or at times more than one, if you are plain unlucky). That is sadly and mostly the case for most people managers.

The analogy to bad apple is a thought out analogy since like a bad apple would rot other apples in the fruit basket, a problem subordinate would influence others in the team in a negative way.

If you are a people manager who generally trusts those who report into you, in no time you will come in for a nasty surprise if you do not handle the problem employee in good time.

Once, you get the nasty surprise (or rather shock) it is important to not allow a problem subordinate to linger on with his tendency to create problems.

Looking at the problem subordinate as the bad apple is the first step and the most important one a people manage should take immediately.

How to know who is the bad apple in your team? Here are some tell-tale signs:

• The problem subordinate is a work shirker. He will push his ownership and activities on to others, including to the person he reports into.
• The problem subordinate pushes things he should be doing to the junior folks in the team, at times in a coercive manner.
• The problem subordinate is a master of avoiding work by abusing "work from home". If he doesn't feel like working on a certain day, he will apply for "work from home".
• The problem  subordinate will copy others left, right and center without bothering about why someone is being copied.
• The problem subordinate will try to show that he is the only one who is working and that too very hard. It is, however, easy to see through these lies of a problem subordinate.
• The problem subordinate will go and tell lies to others including those in the chain of reporting of the person he reports into. His main concern is to make sure his misdeeds and lack of work ethics do not get exposed.
• The problem subordinate has no interest in work and is only focused on creating noise around the work he is doing. Rather than doing, showing that he is doing is what the problem subordinate spends his energies on.

It is not easy to handle a problem subordinate, especially the ones who display chameleon-like character (they tell you something and tell others something else about the same thing).

The problem gets compounded multiple times, in case the people manager reports into a problem  boss (someone who is incompetent but is in that position due to loyalty only).

In case you are surrounded by a problem subordinate and a problem boss, then you have had it.

Keeping the points in this post and an earlier post on Stuck in a Toxic Workplace and Reporting into an Unprofessional, Incompetent and Toxic Person might help to a certain extent.

And yes, good luck to you for the tough ride you are going to have!

How to Deal with Immature and Unprofessional People at Work, Especially if they Hapen to be in Senior Positions?

When an immature and unprofessional person is promoted to a senior position at work, then it speaks volumes about the kind of organization you are dealing with.

Such organizations are typically those where the people of the old brigade get promoted and get promoted due to just one factor - their loyalty to the clowns at the very top.

In such organizations, the management team is a close-knit coterie and is virtually like a gang of stooges of the top man.

Those in the management team are experts in the art of surviving (and in fact thriving) in their career using the abominable phrase - "yes sir".

The HR head in such companies is the key henchman of the top man. His only motive is to keep the boss happy. Let the employees go to hell.

In such companies there is huge attrition at lower levels. However, at the higher levels, people are basically stuck.

People at higher levels are essentially of two types.

One, those who are the incompetent loyalists, they do not try to get out because they will not get anything outside.

Two, those who are competent non-loyalists who are waiting for the right opportunity to fly away.

So how does one deal with immature and unprofessional people at work, especially those who happen to be in senior positions?

Well the sad answer is there is no way!

Because of the way such companies started, and where loyalty wins hands down over competence such companies are virtual hell holes.

How do you identify the immature and unprofessional people in such organizations? Here are some clues that are generally helpful:

• There is a clear concept of inner circle and outsiders. And in fact, the top man activity promotes and protects this.
• People are assigned to tasks they do now understand anything about due to loyalty and the top man's insistence on protecting the inner circle.
• The stooges of the top man are one and the same. Challenging one of them brings the other stooges together like a pack of wolves.
• The stooges go for lunch together along with the top man. This would remind you of a group of college friends rather than professional colleagues
• The reporting structure is artificially erected to ensure the big egos of the stooges and the top man are protected and their incompetence doesn't get questioned.
• The stooges play dirty politics, they engage in back-channel manipulations, hold meetings with the inner circle and find ways to trouble the competent outsiders.

 And how do you handle them?

As was mentioned earlier, you can't handle them. Such organizations are driven by the top man and his coterie and you stand no chance in bringing about any change.

The stooges are experts in scratching each others' back. They would go to any extent to protect each others' back.

They are more like friends than colleagues. Heck, they may even be staying in the same colony or nearby and meeting each other and their families may also be meeting each other over the weekends.

Who would be professional when dealing with family friends? Even if you work together?

Best advise to deal with such people is to not deal with them.

Move on, as early as you can. There is nothing better than that!

Working in a Lala Company

A lala company is basically an enterprise which is run by a family or a family-like coterie. The coterie is a close-knit group of persons who are generally incompetent, unfair, non-transparent and unprofessional.

They indulge in dirty politics in office like manipulative foxes, discuss "strategy" in secret meetings like pugnacious crows, go for lunch like a pack of wolves and when any one of them is cornered, come together in a huddle like venomous serpents.

Working in a lala company is the worst kind of experience one can possibly go through in their career. There are no rules in a lala company. Whatever the main lala and his chamchas decide becomes the rule.

The main lala may project an image of being fair, professional and open-minded but is only comfortable with his chamchas around.

In the bigger meetings he may come across as someone who is very progressive but in private discussions (especially with the family-like coterie) the veil wears off and the wily fox beneath is so clearly visible that the phrase "abominable lala" sounds like a nice phrase.

The chamchas are characters in their own rights. They are like the four stooges who think the world runs due to them. They think the lala company, the main lala and they (the irritable chamchas) are the only ones who matter in this world.

They create a small hell-hole of a company, meet each other in secret meetings, form immature impressions about others owing to their own incompetence and immaturity, share unbaked opinions and thoughts about others with each other.

Working in a lala company would make you realize what being in hell is going to be like. You can sense inequality, arrogance, unfairness, non-transparency, professional immaturity, childish communications, disparaging remarks, and general lack of trust all around you.

The inner circle of coterie of chamchas is all that matters to the lala. If any outsider challenges the lala he is shocked. And obviously the coterie would never challenge him.

Some of the chamchas are real characters. They pass their responsibilities to the others. They shirk their ownership. They take others for granted.

Working in a lala company can be very energy draining. It can cause lot of negativity in the mind and is generally very humiliating.

So are you working in a lala company? If you said yes, welcome to the coterie-infested hell-hole. And all the best!

Remember, you are not in a professional workplace. And surviving the main lala and his chamchas is not easy at all.

Why Some Subordinates are a Pain in the Ass?

It is true that in some organizations the general culture is pathetically bad.

The main reason is that the company is essentially run by a coterie of bad-asses.

The top man is the root of the evil since his strategy is to thoughtfully ignore the immaturity and incompetence of the clowns that report into him.

The top man, is some sense, is the chief clown. He projects himself as progressive, passionate and professional but is just the opposite.

The person you are forced to report into is basically a clown whose only qualification is his blind loyalty to the chief clown. And of course, there are other clowns as well.

The clowns form a close-knit coterie of inner circle which holds back-door discussions and takes decisions which are neither fair nor transparent.

In such an organization the clowns are busy in creating troubles for those who are professionals and no do not belong to the old brigade of chief clown, clowns and the sub-clowns.

The whole situation is further complicated and convoluted by subordinates who are a pain in the ass.

The clowns promote and protect such subordinates.

So why does a subordinate become a pain in the ass?

• The concerned subordinate has a hot-line reporting to one the clowns (the favorite clown) whom his supervisor is unfortunately forced to report into
• The concerned subordinate is a workplace shirker
• The concerned subordinate is a master of abusing "working from home"
• The concerned subordinate is a like a bad apple in the team who spreads negativity
• The concerned subordinate is not competent and tries hard to dump and push his work to others in the team
• The concerned subordinate and the clown share the same bad attributes
• The concerned subordinate and the clown are experts in writing long emails full of drama and utter nonsense
• The concerned subordinate and the clown meet outside the office also
• The concerned subordinate is an expert in playing the game of double-speak. He would tell something to the supervisor and something to the clown
• The concerned subordinate is deeply engaged in playing office politics along with the clown
• The concerned subordinate is highly manipulative (and in fact fit to be one of the clowns)
• The concerned subordinate thinks he is bigger than the system
• The concerned subordinate spends more effort in trying to show to others especially his favorite clown as to what he has done rather than actually working
• The concerned subordinate gets unnecessarily worked up and agitated without understanding the context
• The concerned subordinate is basically full of anxiety and always looking at things from a narrow-minded and constrained perspective 
• The concerned subordinate will needlessly copy irrelevant people and especially the favorite clown in several emails

Working in a Coterie Driven, Small Sized but Wannabe Big Company

Working in a coterie-driven company can make you easily realize why professionalism is so important not only for organizational success but also for true employee engagement.

And if a coterie-driven company is a small sized but wannabe big company then you have had it!

In such companies, the top people form a close-knit coterie and make sure they maintain their inner circle status.

Simple things like budget for a department and for any activity that comes up during the course of operations in the year are not dealt with needed transparency.

Since the top man and his coterie are not professional to the required degree, routine decisions like approval for training require special treatment.

In addition, since the members of coterie are neither professionally competent nor operationally empowered they need to get the top man's approval even for seemingly simple things like training, seminars, etc.

And yes, if you are not part of the coterie, every penny spent needs to be accounted for.

In certain cases, where an approval is needed by the members of the coterie for something they do not taken ownership of (though they should), they keep on passing the buck and play behind-the-scene games.

The members of coterie work like a cohort with the sole aim of protecting their turfs and the fiefdom of the top man.

The reporting structure in such organizations is laughably inefficient at the best and maliciously unprofessional  at the worst.

The only aim of reporting structure is to maintain the hegemony of the top man and his coterie.

The other dangerous aspect of such organizations is the fact that the coterie is the inner circle whereas others are outsiders.

So if you are dealing with the coterie and the top man, beware. You must recognize you are in an unequal fight.

Competency has no place in such companies. The earlier and faster you realize and understand this, the better for your mental balance and professional journey.

The best thing to do is of course to move on, fast and without loosing any time.

And in case you have to tolerate your precarious situation for more time, you need to have loads of patience and stay clam and quiet.

Remember the following:

"Stay calm and quiet. You are passing through coterie-infested zone".

Good luck to you for moving on. And better luck till you have to stay put.

The Four Musketeers and Their Boss

This is about four musketeers and their boss. This is about the four musketeers who are running the show along with their boss.

The musketeers come together in case someone challenges any one of the musketeers or their boss for whom the four musketeers have absolute, blind loyalty.

Though the musketeers and the boss look different, they share a common trait - they possess toxic and malicious characteristics.

Musketeer 1 - He is there only to pull your leg. His only objective in life is to find out what you did not do right and then pounce on you with full vengeance.

Musketeer 2 - He is the epitome of how to survive despite complete lack of ownership. He is the silent schemer who would come across as very polite and polished but would be indulging in harmful tactics behind your back.

Musketeer 3 - He is the epitome of bad-ass behavior. He thinks highly of himself, indulges in manipulations, comes across with a sick "holier than thou" attitude and leaves no chance to pull you down.

Musketeer 4 - He is the king of non-professionalism and melodrama. He is expert in writing fuming and funny emails. He is also a true chameleon and master of multi-game. He will tell different things to different people and say that he has good relations with everyone.

Boss - He is the main culprit who promotes and nurtures and protects the musketeers. His main attribute is his expertise in working through the coterie of his pet dogs (the musketeers). He doesn't like criticisms.

Such a model also reinforces a bad culture where there are lot of back-channel discussions among the 4 Ms and the 1 B. The 4 Ms and the 1 B are like a small family of non-professional bad-asses.

The biggest problem with the 4 M and 1 B organizational structure is that it creates a comfort zone for the 4 Ms and the 1 B.

And also since it is based only on one factor - loyalty - this model leads to weak leadership. The 4 Ms and 1 B can perhaps be viewed as a synonym of weak leadership.

What Leads to the Formation of Coterie Clubs in Companies?

Coterie clubs are a sad reality of the corporate world. These are commonly found in small-sized organizations and especially those that are not growing at a reasonable clip.

They are found in large organizations too, especially in companies where a gang of senior folks at the local management level use the empowerment provided to them by the HQ in a wrong manner.

Some of the following factors may lead to the formation of coterie clubs in companies?

• Lack of "true" professionalism in those who constitute the senior management. At times these folks would be no different than a pack of jokers. And this can be dangerous, very dangerous. Read this - Why It's Dangerous To Work For An Organization Led By A Pack Of Jokers?
• The so called higher-ups and senior folks do not deal with matters in a fair and transparent manner. Their words and actions give a strong but unmistakable sign of manipulating and gaming the system using unethical means. They work more like a gang of manipulators than a group of leaders.
• There are too many long-timers in the company whose only qualification is that they are loyal to the top man. Many of these long-timers are actually dead-woods but as they lick the ass of the top bad-ass, they continue to thrive in such companies. Their only motto is to put down those who are outsiders and continue to help maintain the dominance of the inner circle.
• There are many people in the company who do not come across as professional colleagues but rather as pathetic college-mates. They meet often during office hours to have silly talks and to watch funny videos. Such people have no choice but to form coterie to simply survive.

Why a Corporate Mosquito Will Aways Bite You and Why You Can't Shoo It Away?

Mosquitoes in the corporate world are not that uncommon.

Take any business organization and you will find them there.

These are the devils in the suits.

Lurking in the cabins including the corner ones.

Ready to pounce on hapless employees.

Keen on putting others down.

Maniacal about showing their supremacy.

And as it their true nature, mosquitoes will always bite you no matter what and there is no way you can shoo them away.

(Source: http://cliparts.co/clipart/1311160)

So how to know you are dealing with a mosquito?

Here are some tell-tale signs the person you are dealing with is a corporate mosquito:

• They are either a part of the pack of jokers called the management team or a close confidante of the bad-asses in the management.
• They piss off others by making buzzing or whining sound around their ears. For the asses, however, they are useful since they bring the latest gossip and news from the grapevine.
• They think they have bigger wings than the Boeing 747! Yes, that's right. They think the company is running because of them. And they very openly carry a bad-ass attitude.
• They gang up with the other mosquitoes in the organization. Even the top man in some of the organizations may be more of a corporate mosquito than a professional.
• They see everything with a pair of glasses dipped in the syrup of negativity. When they speak, they speak ill. When they write, they write venom.
• They react to everything with distrust and cynicism. And also, they speak to others in a condescending and pugnacious manner.

Corporate mosquitoes will always bite you.

So if you dealing with one, remember to take care of yourself.

Their only motto is to harass and demean others.

M for mosquitoes are bad-asses.

Their nature is such.

They will bite.

They will sting.

Don't expect anything else from them.

You can't even shoo away a M for mosquito.

Why?

The reason is obvious as stated above -  "They are either a part of the pack of jokers called the management team or a close confidante of the bad-asses in the management."

If the above is the case there is no one to take the mosquito to task.

And you can't even complain about them to anybody else.

Why?

Again the reason is obvious as stated above - "They gang up with the other mosquitoes in the organization.

Even the top man in some of the organizations may be more of a corporate mosquito than a professional."

Remember, a mosquito will not bite another mosquito!

So what chance do you stand in such an organization which is infested with mosquitoes?

Close to zero?

It's actually zero.

Such organizations basically have no mosquito repellents (which means they have a bad-ass culture).

And hence they are ideal breeding grounds for M for mosquitoes to prosper, get promoted and most dangerously breed more M for mosquitoes.

Working With the Coterie of the Top Man Is Tough, Really Tough

In many organizations the top man operates through his coterie.

First and foremost, how do you know you are in a coterie managed organization?

Well, in such an organization the top man and the coterie (the cozy club) go for lunch together.

That's how you know you have got yourself into a very bad deal as far your current place of work goes.

It's a fact that working with the coterie of the top man is as bad as it can get. The coterie is like a bunch of monkeys who love scratching the bloody backs of each other.

They meet with the top man behind the back of others whom they treat as lowly outsiders.

The also develop a closed network of people who help them with certain aspects of their business and the words of people from the closed network is taken as the Bible by the top man and his coterie.

And they loose any sense of professionalism they may be faking all the while by blaming and harassing the outsiders.

The top man doesn't do anything on his own, obviously. He has his henchman whom he promotes in a shameless and ludicrous manner.

The top man would say things like, "as needed escalate the matter to my henchman immediately".

The irony is that the henchman is a person who doesn't even know how to spell matter!

But being a stooge of the top man he is put on a pedestal made up only of loyalty.

Let merit go to hell.

As you should expect it, the coterie has people who are not really that competent as compared to people one would find at similar level in a professional organization.

In fact, there may be situations where the coterie behaves in as comical a manner as one can imagine.

They would call for unnecessary meetings, follow the words from the top man like a gospel, and don't make even a slight use of small-sized brains.

Working with coterie is tough, really tough. And that is so because you won't know what they talk about behind your back.

You know what they talk would be nothing other than utter non-sense but you also know such non-sense may be dangerous for you.

You should never trust the coterie.

They would tell something to you in one meeting in front of one person, tell something else to you in another meeting in front of another person and then something totally different behind your back.

People who are a part of the coterie are like stooges, they act like henchmen of the top man and are examples of tail wagging dogs. Such people are not easy to work with.

The fact is working with the coterie of the top man is tough, really tough. If you are working with the coterie you need to be saluted and also wished best of luck!

The Inner Circle and the Outsiders

Small-sized, non-professional, coterie-managed organizations can get on to the nerves of any professional who commits the grave mistake of joining them (even by mistake).

The top man in such organizations forms and cunningly nurtures an inner circle (coterie) of stooges around him which can be an amusing sight but can cause a lot of professional pain to the outsiders.

They would belittle you, play dirty games behind your back, do secret talks behind closed doors, and would come across as idiots with "holier than thou" attitude.

The top man will meet his stooges and issue them commands which are taken by the stooges as a decree. The stooges will not loose a moment and lie all prostrate at the feet of their master!

Once in a while the master will throw bones at the stooges and the stooges will be more than happy to grab it and then lick the bone all over. And they will lick the feet of their master too.

Some of the stooges are hard-core assh***s. For them their master is supreme and they have no brain of their own. They are thoroughly incompetent to the core but fiercely loyal to the master.

The master does love his stooges. And distributes goodies to them to keep them loyal and keep on licking his feet whenever he commands them to.

And what about the Outsiders?

Well they are treated by the inner circle with an approach that is grossly immature and unprofessional. The poor outsiders are put into messy situations by the stooges.

The outsiders should not stay in such an organization and should try to leave at the earliest possible. The outsiders should be prepared to be in for a rough time.

For the outsiders the experience of working in such an organization can be a harrowing experience.

They should not die fighting and must prepare to move on!

It is a wise idea not to loose your life while fighting with the inner circle. The top man and his stooges are all powerful in such an organization and fighting them is foolish.

So if you and outsider, tighten your belt and run for dear life. Run away from the inner circle as soon as possible and as far as possible.

Run!

How Handling an Assh*** Can Make You a Better Person?

When you handle an assh***, be it at your workplace (where they are most commonly found and in large numbers at that), in your neighborhood, in a public place like a bus stop or in your family it should be seen as a blessing in disguise.

An assh*** can make you into one yourself if you let it. Or it can make you a better person if you strive for that.

Assh***s at workplace are extremely hard to tackle. Their toxicity is so hard to avoid.

How do you recognize an assh*** when you meet one at your workplace?

• They would write needless emails with deliberate and malicious agenda
• They are part of the coterie and a stooge of the top man
• They would meet people on the sly to collect information to discredit and demean you
• They go on lunch with other ass***s (so now you know when it's easy to count them all)
• They would suck the toes, lick the boots and lie prostrate in front of the king of the stooges
• They would cut others down so that they can grow
• They carry an artificial and fake smile like a Cheshire cat
• They ooze toxicity and negativity in their emails
• They would create more assh***s in their own teams

So how can handling an assh*** at workplace make you a better person? In several ways in fact and here are some of those:

• You develop a lot of patience. The irrational tantrums and the toxicity of an assh*** slowly starts amusing you rather than causing you any concern
• You realize that the world is a nasty place full of poisonous snakes (read assh***s) and accept the world as it is rather than as it should be
• You start analyzing life in a much wider sense and with a deeper appreciation and understand fully well how small things make the big things
• You become increasingly positive to fight the negativity caused by the assh*** and maintain complete balance in your mind
• You don't say anything at all when you know you would say something nasty to the assh*** and rightly so (it is better to say nothing when you would want to say something bad only)
• You acquire philosophical outlook in life and look at things from an altogether different but very positive perspective
• You never reply to bullshit emails from an assh***s in kind and make sure you retain positivism and professionalism come what may

Remember an assh*** is an assh*** is an assh*** and will remain that way forever. You should never be one or become one. Life is too short for you to live it as an asshole.

There are better ways to spend the 80-100 odd years you have been gifted by God. Don't live it like an assh*** would. Live it in a nice an positive way. That's the only way that's worth it.

It is Very Crude to Flaunt that You are a Part of the Coterie

Have you come across an ass blatantly flaunting that he belongs to an exclusive group?

It is rude. It is crude too. And it is abominable and highly obnoxious as well.

This happens in organizations that are run by a coterie. Not all, but some of those who are a part of the coterie seem to take things too seriously. That is funny at the best and toxic at the worst.

And for all you know, this group of coterie is given a nice name - management committee!

Howsoever crass and absurd it may be, the others generally have no choice but to tolerate and bear the stupid antics, superior but loathsome attitude and toxic actions of the coterie.

The real problem may actually be with the head of the coterie. She is the one who forms and nurtures the coterie, creates an unprofessional set-up where loyalty is everything and merit has no place.

She is also the one who creates artificial reporting structures to ensure the comfort zone around her remains unchallenged and unchanged.

Others may not have respect for the coterie but then have no choice. And the mantra they ought to follow is very simple - lick the coterie's boots or run away in their own boots.

If you have self-respect and you are professional, you should run away in your own boots. And if you are good for nothing and a loyalist then you must lick the coterie's boots so that they don't fire you and you get to keep your boots!

However, if you don't like it but are not able to move out then you are seriously stuck.

You may hate every time you have to interact with the coterie and their head but unless you have an option in hand you will remain a wage slave.

It is undoubtedly very hard to survive when you are stuck in a toxic workplace infested with coterie culture. It is very hard but then you must wait it out till you have an option.

That's a smart choice but yes the going till then is going to be a tough one!

And yes, it's true: it is very crude to flaunt that you are a part of the coterie. That makes others loose respect for you and makes them leave as well.

Merit of Fairness to Everyone and Demerit of Coterie Culture

Tulsidas was a Hindu poet-saint, reformer and philosopher.



Here are two famous couplets (doha - दोहा) from him that dwell beautifully on the merit of fairness to everyone and demerit of coterie culture.

Merit of Fairness to Everyone

मुखिया मुख सों चाहिये, खान पान को एक |
पाले पोसे सकल अंग, तुलसी सहित विवेक | |

अर्थ : तुलसीदास जी कहते हैं कि मुखिया मुख के समान होना चाहिए जो खाता-पिता तो अकेला है, लेकिन सब अंगों का पालन-पोषण विवेकपूर्वक करता है | 

Meaning:

The head of a family or an organization should be like the mouth. Though the mouth indulges in drinking and feeding only by itself it takes cares of the other parts of the body in a fair and judicious manner so that the body as a whole functions properly.

The idea is that the head of a family or an organization should know fully well that every member or employee needs to be taken care of in a fair and judicious manner for the whole system to function effectively.

Demerit of Coterie Culture

मंत्री गुरु अरु वैद जो, प्रिय बोलहिं भय आस |
राज धरम तन तीनि कर होहिं वेगि हो नास ||

अर्थ : गोस्वामीजी कहते हैं कि मंत्री, गुरु और वैद्य यदि भय या लाभ की आशा से हित की बात न कहकर प्रिय बोलते हैं तो क्रमशः राज्य, धर्म एवं शरीर का शीघ्र ही नाश हो जाता है | 

Meaning:

If a king's advisor, a spiritual guru or a medical doctor suggests something nice (but not really right and appropriate) due to either fear or greed then it leads to decline of the state, religion and body respectively.

Everyone should use their expertise in an unbiased manner and based on the facts and not indulge in flattery due to either fear or freed.

The idea is that in an organization where the top man promotes coterie culture and his stooges indulge in flattery due to either fear or freed then the organization will stop growing and stagnate, gradually decline and eventually close down.