The Home Affair Company

At times when you work somewhere you might wonder whether you are actually working in a company or not.

And whether the workplace is a family and not a company?

You get this feeling very often that your workplace is also a company but first it is a family.

The top guys ask the chosen select few to take care of their home affairs.

After all it is a family.

The chosen select few think they are special.

Why special?

Since the chosen select few take care of the top guys home affairs.

They take care of the top guys property deals.

They take care of things when the top guys or anyone in their families travel.

They take care of any problem the top guys face at their home.

Company may or may not be a family.

But the chosen select few are a family for sure.

The top guys carry an air of superiority.

They act as if they are highly professional but scratch the surface and the dirty underneath is visible.

They are really “Lalas” running a personal fiefdom in the name of a company.

And since the chosen select few take care of the top guys home affairs and are very well aware of their dirty secrets too what you have got is a cozy club of unprincipled folks.

The top guys decide what to be done not based on merit.

For the top guys who said what is more important than what was said.

They would show as if they are genuine and take the right and ethical decisions.

But that is never the case.

Their decisions are a matter of convenience and also dictated by their need to keep their dirty secrets covered up well.

And as far as ethics go, they believe in just spelling and pronouncing the word “ethics” right and with the right amount of earnestness but otherwise ethics mean nothing.

When they get their home affairs taken care of by the select few, what else can one expect regarding their decision making and their ethical conduct.

The Duplicitous HR Guy

He tells you lies.

And then he acts smart as if no one understands what nonsense he keeps on doing, again and again.

Such a duplicitous character.

He is in the good books of the top man.

The top man is equally cunning guy who puts up a fake front of being a genuine bloke.

Which the top man is not, in no way.

The duplicitous man is in the good books of the top man not because he is meritorious but because he is highly manipulative.

Both share similar bad attributes.

He plays silly games but thinks too highly of himself.

He tells you he doesn't know something with a bizarre look on his face.

You realize later on that he was lying.

He has always been lying earlier too.

Then you come to know he knew that thing earlier.

Such a mental retard.

Such a cunning, manipulative guy.

He fudges data.

He shows a picture as if everything in rosy.

As if "all is well".

When in fact most if not all is "in the well" and in a sense lost.

He is comrades with other folks like him.

He is a part of the cozy club, the cozy club of comical clowns.

He carries a funny and deceitful look on his face.

A face which carries a fake facade with a dirty layer under it.

Very dirty.

And stinky too.

He smells of conceit and arrogance.

As if he only matters.

And others don't at all.

Such a duplicitous guy.

If you have any such guy around you got to be careful.

You got to make sure you stay sound and safe.

Handling a Subordinate Who Doesn’t Understand the Sense of Priority

At times a manager may have to deal with certain team member who doesn’t understand the sense of priority.

As a manager you ask that team member to do something and she doesn’t do that.

She does her own stuff as per her own understanding of work priority or rather the complete lack of it!

As a manager you ask her to discuss something and she doesn’t come for a discussion, and when she comes she is not fully prepared.

Managers hire members in the team for only one reason - the hired person needs to take care of something that is otherwise a headache for the manager.

The KRA for any manager is very simple - get things done.

Managers don’t work and are not supposed to work.

They need to get things done.

Simple.

So if a team member doesn’t understand the sense of priority that is nothing but a big source of headache for the manager.

When a manager assigns a task to a team member he expects her to complete it as per the stated or understood priority and update him on the progress and discuss with him the challenges, if any, in finishing the assigned task on time.

In any case, the manager would expect the team member to complete the work.

However, when the team member not only fails to finish the task, but also provides no updates and not even bothers to let the manager know that the work is not done, that would be a clear source of concern for any manager.

And when confronted and given the feedback, she reacts in a aggressive and immature manner.

She defends her actions and the fact that she was right and the manager was not.

She also tells the manager that “since you know how to do it, you should do the work she has been assigned and has not been able to complete”

She also reacts violently when assigned any additional work and is reluctant to do that.

She may out rightly refuse to do a work by saying “I will not do that work”.

When asked firmly to do it and discuss if needed, she says “we can discuss but I would still not do it”.

It appears she thinks she is the manager of her manager.

This might appear quite funny if one were to take it lightly but is a serious affair, a very serious one.

She forgets to realize that if you are not willing to work, why would the manager want you in his team?

This is a sign of lack of maturity and lack of understanding of the sense of priority.

For any manager such a conversation is highly concerning.

This is a clear sign of trouble for the manager.

And if the manager needs to follow-up and remind for a task to be done nothing could be worse.

The team member loses her credibility.

The manager also doesn’t get a sense of comfort and confidence on such a team member.

The impression the manager gets is, “she is not reliable and if I assign her something critical she might give headache”.

And headache after a task is not done or the work not finished or something fails to happen is the last thing any manager wants.

So what happens with such team member?

She can’t be assigned time-critical and important and urgent tasks.

Any manager in such a situation will simply pull her out of critical tasks expected from his team.

The worst consequence of such an action would mean that in the long run:

• Such a team member will not grow too much in her career.
• She can’t be promoted beyond a certain level.

Such a team member may be technically competent but is running with a natural impediment.

This impediment has to do with her attitude and approach.

The priority of the organization should and would decide the priority of the head of the organization.

The priority of the head of the organization should and would decide the priority of the head of different teams and departments.

The priority of the head of the team or department should and would decide the priority of the members of the concerned team or department.

If a team member doesn’t understand that, she doesn’t really understand how to work.

Such a team member must work with a clear understanding of priority.

She needs to pull up her socks and get her act together.

This is a clear sign of not only trouble but big time danger.

And any smart manager will not let such a situation continue unaddressed for long!

The Clowns and the Con Masters are Back from the Silly Expedition

For some time the organization was blessed that the clowns and the con masters were away. For good.

With the clowns and the con masters around, such organizations are nothing but a zoo full of dangerous and slithery snake like characters.

Alas, the clowns and the con masters are back from the silly expedition.

They can again be seen doing the same old, stupid stuff!

You again get to see their holier than thou attitude.

You again get to see their sense of superiority.

You again get to see their utter lack of competence, maturity and professionalism through the facade of falsehoods and sham.

You again get to see the same silly smirk on their faces.

You again get to see them get the same special concessions and privileges.

You again get to see the non-stop repetition of the same stuff.

The clowns and con masters behave and project a smart-ass image of themselves whereas they are nothing but asses with holes.

Their conduct is very childish, comical and nonsensical but that is what it is.

The guy handling overall operations is a dyed-in-the-wool hypocrite. He talks big but has small thinking. He operates through his coterie. He acts like a head boy who is more childish than a small kid. He operates a gang of trusted henchmen who have only one answer to any question asked to them, "yes sir". For this funny guy only loyalty matters. In some sense he is like a slithery Anaconda.

The guy handing human resources and people practises is a third grade man who is highly manipulative and harms others in a slow but steady manner. He carries a sick smirk and funny expression of "I am the smartest of them all" on his bloody face. In some sense he is like a slithery Python.

The guy handing computing infrastructure is a complete nincompoop who carries a chameleon like demeanor and stings others when he is challenged. He has a cat like smirk and grin on the face. He portrays being a genuine guy but is full of falsehoods and deceits. In some sense he is like a slithery Viper.

The guy handling delivery operations is a highly incompetent cartoon character who is a silent killer. He has this sick attitude of "I am part of the coterie and you are not". He has his set of loyalists who lick his feet and what not. And he likes that very much. He has got certain vestigial organs around who are there but who have no value addition just like himself. In some sense he is like a slithery Black Mamba.

The guy handling money is a funny man with tonnes of attitude problem. He walks with his neck turned on one side. In some sense he is like a slithery King Cobra (he is no king but an ass-licker of the king, the Anaconda.)

The guy handling sales to customers is like a stealth missile. You won't know and the damage is done. In some sense he is like a slithery Krait.

The bull dog and his puppies are going on a spree

The plan is ready, hotel rooms have been reserved, the tickets have been booked, and stupid things have already been said and done.

Who is going? And why?

The bull dog and his puppies are going on a spree.

There is a sick camaraderie that oozes out of every stinky orifice of the bull dog and his puppies.

 The stink surrounds the stupid bull dog and his puppies in an envelope of back-room dealings, deep-rooted manipulations and smart-ass pronouncements.

The bull dog and each one of the puppy is an obnoxious specimen in its own!

For the spree it seems like no one is paying from their pockets.

When the bull dog is going with you and office is home and home is office where is the need to pay from one's own pocket?

Its an all-expenses-paid spree on the house.

The place of work and house for such retards has no difference.

Whether you are the Bada Lala or one of the Chhota Lalas or the Chamchas in such an organization the feeling and thought process you carry is the same.

For such characters, professionalism, is a word that means zilch, a big zero.

For such characters, manipulation is all that matters. In fact, the only thing that matters.

They have created a cartoon of an organization with them playing various cartoon characters.

What will happen to such an organization?

Only time will tell.

The risk is very high though.

You are headed for disaster.

May day! May day May day!

Brace! Brace! Brace!

The Hare-brained Head and the So-Silly Stooge

The hare-brained head of an organization and his so-silly stooges are a delight to watch.

You are in a stupid company if you come across such funny folks.

A very warm welcome in case that is the case!

The hare-brained head will copy every tom, dick and harry who lick his feet in some of his really funny emails.

Don't they at all discuss the highest visibility project that has been going on for several months?

That's so surprising.

The hare-brained head of an organization and his so-silly stooge manning the operations go for lunch together to the office cafeteria. Everyday, if possible.

So what do they discuss over lunch?

It is shocking to know that they don't discuss the critical happening in the organization.

The hare-brained head would then send an e-mail why something happened or did not happen.

He would pretend as if he doesn't know anything.

What the hell they discuss over the lunch table then?

And then the hare-brained head has special, secret, silly meetings with his coterie.

It is called inter departmental meeting.

Only the so-silly stooge manning the operations and the other blind loyalist so-silly stooges like him who are the close inner circle of the hare-brained head go to that meeting.

What the hell they discuss in that meeting then?

The hare-brained head says let us discuss this in some other inconsequential review meeting.

Why is the other review meeting inconsequential?

Why, because the hare-brained head says silly things like this:

• Well, we just had this meeting few weeks back
• Why this meeting again?

In addition, on many occasions he says can we finish the review meeting in 30 minutes? Or can we move it to next week?

He is not serious at all but says serious things in a very serious manner. Seriously?

That's actually all very funny.

What else can you expect from a hare-brained head?

He knows what his so-silly stooge manning the operations is up to.

He knows what exactly is going on.

He pretends not to know.

He pretends to be something else.

When you highlight an issue related to his so-silly stooge manning the operations or any other of his so-silly stage (basically anyone who is a part of the close inner circle) he doesn't bother to respond.

You send an email and see no response.

So what do you do?

You stop highlighting any issue.

He knows what's going on.

He knows what's cooking inside the vessel.

He is in fact part of the cooking along with his so-silly stooges.

And then he says, how did that happen?

That's so funny.

That's unprofessional too.

In such a case you should know that you are in a stupid company if you come across such funny folks.

A very warm welcome in case that is the case!

Enjoy.

And best of luck!

It's All in the Family - Do You Feel So about Your Place of Work?

Well, if you do so, welcome to the real world.

A world where some  places of work can literally get on to your nerves.

A world where you find asses having a great time.

A world where you see Cheshire cats showing their smartness.

A world where some people get something which they don't really deserve.

The "All in the Family" kind of culture at your place of work will constantly throw following strange and interesting situations at you:

• A certain group of people are like college friends more than professional colleagues
• A certain group of people do just one thing - scratch each others back
• A certain group of people are no more than a mutual admiration club
• A certain group of people are like stooges of the top dog
• A certain group of people operate as a close-knit coterie

In such organizations the top man is the father of the family.

And depending on his mood he will dole out largess for other members in the family.

Those who report into him are blind loyalists.

For the stooges, the only answer they have is "yes sir". Always.

The stooges would come across as even more despicable than a bonded labour.

For anything their ultimate answer is always the same - "We need to do it as he has said it".

The he is the biggest ass in the organization and is the real culprit behind the sick culture in the organization.

However the he will  act as if his company is the best company in the world.

The truth in such organizations is unfortunately far removed from reality.

The he and a certain group of people who are like his family is all that matter in such a sick and third class organization.

Loyalty wins over merit, hands down, in such companies.

After all, its all in the family!

Dirty Realities of a Third Class Organization that Pretends to be a Five Star Organization

Many organizations give the impression of a being a five star organization when in reality they are a third class one.

What happens in such organizations and what are the dirty realities of such organizations?

First and foremost, the top guy is a complete idiot for whom loyalty is everything and merit is nothing.

The meaningless promotion of the close coterie of the top guy by who else but the top guy only, but naturally, is a shining example of that.

What is the meaning of meaningless promotion?

When a person is promoted from grade Gx to Gx+1 but still does the same silly stuff he was doing earlier, if he was, in fact, doing anything at all, that's a meaningless promotion.

Those who are in higher grades carry a conceited view of themselves. 

No one recognizes them as experts outside the third class organization but they give the false appearance of being experts.

Forget that, no one even knows such typical characters exist on earth!

You utter a new term in the morning and the so-called third class experts in such third class companies would claim they are experts in that thing by the evening and at times, very funnily, by the afternoon itself.

The top man is the biggest joker of them all among the pack of loyalists.

He will promote them for no reason other than loyalty.

Merit is a term that means nothing in such third class companies.

And to hide the silly stuff happening the top dog and his coterie give the false appearance of being a five star organization.

The reality is that such a company is a third class lala company.

The top lala being the most idiot of all. The small lalas are equally idiotic if not more.

The small lalas also carry a big ego just like the big lala.

They expect respect though they deserve none.

A third class company is also highly grade conscious and totally grade driven.

Though the dirty reality is that the grades mean really nothing.

You may have a VP of HR working really as a HR Manager.

Or, VP of IT Support taking care of an area where he doesn't even know how to spell even the basic terms.

The above non-sense can happen only if the organization is a third class one.

The top idiot puts such a sick culture in place.

Loyalty wins hand down in such companies.

Merit, in the real sense and not in the sense of pseudo-experts such companies breed in no time, has no place.

The top idiot takes total care of the interests of his loyal stooges in a blatant and discriminatory manner.

Whether it be some company event or lunch those who may have had zilch contribution still need to be invited.

After all a bloody top dog needs to take care of the puppies.

And if one forgets it the top dog will send an email about that.

He is very particular about ensuring such kind of non-sense continues non-stop. 

What else can one expect from an idiot at the top?

When the Top Man is a Complete Idiot and Puts Loyalty Over Merit

When the top man in an organization is a complete idiot and puts loyalty over merit, that is a clear sign that the organization is on its way to disaster.

Such a person is the key ingredient in the recipe that paves the way for the impending disaster and doom.

Such people think they are way too smart.

They may not have achieved much but are full of conceit.

One give away sign of the above is that such an idiot is running after awards, accolades and recognition like a mad street dog searching desperately for food in a dump yard.

For such an idiot any mention in an external forum is like water is for a fish.

Without that he feels dejected, demotivated and desperate.

Without water a fish dies.

Similarly, without a mention in any external forum the idiot would die, figuratively if not otherwise.

However, the mention may be so trivial that no one would notice it but the loyalists.

And that is precisely the reason why such a fool loves loyalty over merit.

You Are Promoted, You Too And Yes, You Too

In some organizations promotions are distributed like candies.

The yearly performance cycle culminates with funny communications regarding every tom, dick and harry (though these are proper nouns capitalization has been omitted intentionally for very obvious reasons) getting promoted.

One of the pet stooges of the top dog would distribute candies, oops... promotions to his pet stooges, who but naturally also happen be the sub-stooges of the top dog.

So a pet stooge of the top dog would write one email after the other: "You Are Promoted, You Too And Yes, You Too"

It would perhaps be more sensible to write an email regarding those few who are not promoted.

Since everyone else would be promoted!

Add what is the criteria to be promoted?

Well, just one and only one.

And to put it in a highly mathematical manner, you get promoted if and only if you are a pet stooge of the pet stooge of the top dog.

There is no requirement whatsoever of the criteria like merit, competency, performance, results on actual ground that would generally be used in a professional set-up.

And in case you happen to ask that question, here's the answer you would get.

What's merit, competency, performance, results on actual ground?

What are these... seriously?

Loyalty, length of service, being in good books of the top dog is only what matters in such organizations.

Of course, such organizations can't have professional set-ups.

They are really speaking lala companies where being a blind loyalist of the bada lala and the chota lalas is the only qualification one ought to have.

Are You Working in a Lala Company? Use this Checklist to Find that Out

How to know whether you are working in a Lala company or not?

Here's a checklist that you can use for this purpose.

1. Has the top man cultivated a set of four (or put your number) stooges around him for running the show?

2. Is parking space reserved for the special stooges despite "first come and first park" policy that is supposedly being practiced?

3. Are there some special people whose Laptop bag is fetched by a office boy from their car to their cabin?

4. Do the top man and his stooges always go together for lunch and are served food in a special way as well as sometimes served special food too?

5. Do the top man and stooges work in a secretive and opaque manner and take many decisions in closed-door meetings?

6. Does the top man has a ludicrous fetish for becoming popular and well-known and is he always chasing awards and accolades, some of which are utterly silly?

What is it Like Working for a Lala Company?

The title of this post will resonate quite well with you if you have ever worked for a Lala company in your career.

What are the thoughts that would come to your mind?

How would you feel?

And what is it really like working for a Lala company?

You are befuddled about the things going on around you.

Like the company is not making enough money so team lunches are stopped but unnecessary and useless off-site meetings get planned.

You are amazed about the fact that the company still exists.

The kind of non-sense going on would make you think that "Ripley's Believe It or Not" is actually all very ordinary.

You feel humiliated about some of the odd things that keep on happening off and on.

Like you come in the morning and are told that the parking place is not available for some silly reason.

And you come to know later in the day that car parking has been reserved for the old, special brigade.

There is lot of talk about open culture and transparency, and that's a problem, there is mere talk.

You are perplexed about the kind people working in the company, especially at the senior levels. 

Everyone placed (yes, placed artificially)  in the supposedly leadership positions are there due to only one reason, servitude - their loyalty to the master and unquestioning attitude.

You are demotivated by the kind of culture you need to put up with constantly.

Since culture is a direct function of the kind of people in leadership positions, it is obvious what kind of people surround you.

The root of the problem is the top dog who openly and blatantly works through and only with his four puppies.

The top dog and the puppies form a close-knit coterie of bad asses.

And when a company is managed by such a cozy group the consequences are eminently disastrous.

You are scared about the consequences due to the kind of organization structure created and management style practiced in such companies.

Loyalty is the only criterion in such companies.

This also leads to a highly grade-conscious workplace.

The sad and strange thing is that the HR head is such a company, who is basically a clown carrying a school-boy attitude and a stooge of the top man, doesn't understand the difference between role and grade.

Artificial reporting structures are erected in such companies with no consideration for merit and competence.

The delivery head in such companies is another specimen, basically yet another clown and a stooge of the top man, who doesn't at all understand how to manage projects and people.

He is a polished talker but an incompetent performer.

The administrative heads of other groups are no different.

True Empowerment will Always be a Pipe Dream in an Unprofessional Company

An unprofessional company is typically characterized by a strange culture where symbolism prevails over pragmatism.

In such companies true empowerment will always remain a pipe dream.

There are serious deficiencies that percolate the structures and staffing in such companies which result in abject failure of its systems and processes.

The company is run by a close-knit group of incompetent but manipulative people. This group is sadly what constitutes the senior management in such a company.

The only qualification of such people is their blind loyalty to the voodoo master. Yes the head of the organization in such companies is nothing more than a voodoo master.

What happens in such companies is similar to a pied piper playing the flute and driving the rats along to his tune.

The head of the organization is like the pied piper. And his loyal stooges are like the rats who play along the tune.

The coterie works like a pack of wolves. They do not care about the organization and the value-add from their respective departments.

They only bother about protecting each others' backs.

They work like a group of manipulative crooks who indulge in secret games and do malicious things behind the curtains.

Of course, they would act as if they are highly professional.

The facade of professionalism is created through symbolic gestures related to people practises.

Lot of silly things are brought into the company to this effect but with no actual change on the ground.

External awards, certifications, industry accolades, etc. become the primary source of false pride in such companies.

True empowerment remains a pipe dream though because the top man and his coterie don't let that happen in the real sense.

Promotions and appreciation in such companies follows just one criterion - loyalty.

Strange reporting structures are put in place by the top man and his coterie.

Reporting structures are created to actually perpetuate the control of the coterie. True empowerment has no place in such a company.

All the good words and phrases are used in meetings but they mean nothing.

Rituals related to people practises are established and followed religiously but on the ground nothing really happens in the true spirit of empowering people.

The Three Monkeys that Sat Together

This post is about three monkeys, the three monkeys that sat together.

Why the monkeys sat together?

Well, they sat together because they are well, ahem, monkeys.

Monkeys sit together in meetings.

So but naturally they sat together.

One would observe the above in Lala companies where English-speaking monkeys, oops Lalas, run the show.

Or rather, the monkeys are the show!

The monkeys speak like one body, one soul.

And what's their key competency?

They are pet monkeys of the top gorilla-like monkey.

The gorilla likes loyalists who know only one thing.

"Yes sir".

The monkeys are also adept at scratching each other's backs.

They are the insiders. They know the secrets.

They play dirty games in the back-channel.

The top gorilla knows everything but does nothing.

The top gorilla is the real culprit.

Allowing monkeys to create mess all around and remaining silent is not what would happen in any professional set-up.

In a Lala set-up, monkeys creating the mess is the only thing that can and would happen.

Another meeting, another day.

The moneys sat together. Again.

Are You Working in a Conceited Company?

How do you really know whether you are working in a conceited company or not?

Here are some tell-tale signs that are too obvious to be missed even if you keep your eyes tightly shut:

• The top man is full of vain. He is only interested in becoming famous. He keeps on running after all kinds of awards, with most of them being utterly non-sensical and worthless.
• The top man wants to do everything that he comes across. And his pet puppies always have the same answer to his quirks - "Yes sir!"
• The set of clowns reporting into the top man have only one characteristic - they are foot-lickers of the top dog.
• The set of clowns running the show go together for lunch, carry a sick, condenscending attitude and jumbo-sized ego.
•  The clowns, who are are the trusted lieutenatnts of the top dog, walk around the company's corridors and staircases with a funny swag.
• The top dog is the owner and the puppies are the co-owners. And hence they indulge in all kinds of funny and unethical actions.
• Such organizations have a club of old-timers who are deeply entrenced into the organization's DNA. Since they have not worked elsewhere, they think they are "James Bonds". However, in reality they are "Sickly Retards".
• The old-timers do what they want to do. They don't know what's going on outside the four walls of the company and are full of conceit and vanity.
• The old-timers do all kinds of non-sense and the clowns and the top clown himself are a party to the non-sense that goes on in the name of strategic initiatives.

Commonly Hated Traits that are Generally Rampant in a Third Grade Organization

An earlier post titled Small Companies but Big Politics and Even Bigger Egos dwelt upon the types of creepy creatures in the top rung of the hierarchy in a third grade organization.

Such organizations are led by a leader who creates a close-knit group of loyal stooges whose only qualification is their long experience and profound expertise in saying "yes sir".

In such organizations loyalty is everything.

Merit, competence, skills, professionalism, ethics, etc. are hollow words.

Words that are hung in beautiful frames on the walls but otherwise mean really nothing.

The top man is fully and only engrossed in searching for ways to become more and more famous and known outside.

There is a deep sense of insecurity and littleness that results in such a mono-maniacal focus on "becoming popular".

There is no effort made towards promoting and rewarding merit.

The top man rules through his henchmen.

The coterie of henchmen down under resembles a pack of supercilious and conceited jokers.

A very few outside the company worth the salt may know the king joker but no one knows the jokers!

The jokers work like a group of monkeys who scratch each other's backs.

They become one when they see someone as a threat to them.

Following article presents a list of 10 traits that so nicely align with the types of people described in the aforementioned post.

https://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/10-personality-traits-you-will-be-hated-for/

So here's a take on which "traits you will be hated for" goes with which of type mentioned in that earlier post.

This makes quite an interesting read.

Type P - Unreliable, Dishonest. 

This type is engaged in finding ways to show to all that only it is a part of the core management team of the company.

As an aside, in a third grade organization the management team is actually not professional and is, really speaking, just a silly bunch of immature, unprofessional, unethical stooges who are blind, mindless loyalists of the top clown.

In reality, Type P is nothing more than a toxic manipulator.

Type P shows as if it is genuine but is actually a cunning fox.

Type M - Arrogant, Rude.

This type is engaged in finding ways to show to all that only it matters in the company.

In reality, Type M is nothing more than a creepy manipulator.

Type M pretends to be mature but is actually a crooked fox.

Type R - Conceited, Condescending.

This type is engaged in finding ways to show to all that only is the smart one in the organization.

In reality, Type R is nothing more than a scheming manipulator.

Type R tries to show as if it is too smart but is actually a very silly fox.

Type S - Unreliable, Rude

This type is engaged in finding ways to show to all that only it is working hard in the entire company.

In reality, Type S is nothing more than a loud-mouthed manipulator.

Type S tries to show as if it is very straight forward but is actually an unreliable fox.

Type T - Temperamental, Dependent.

This type is engaged in finding ways to show to all that only it is important for the company.

In reality, Type T is nothing more than a pusillanimous manipulator.

Type T tries to show as if it is very decisive but is actually a dilly-dallying fox.

Type M/D - Temperamental, Pessimistic

This type is engaged in finding ways to show to all that only the activities it is performing is important for the company.

In reality, Type M/D is nothing more than a pomp and show manipulator.

Type M/D tries to show as if it is working with good intentions but is actually a wily fox.

Type V - Temperamental, Domineering

This type is engaged in finding ways to show to all that it is very popular and very accomplished.

In reality, Type V is nothing more than a sound and image manipulator.

Type V tries to show as if it is very progressive and professional but is actually a controlling fox.

So what kind of company are you working with?

Are you working in a third grade company?

And which Type of third grade person is bothering you in the third grade organization you are working with?

Is is Type P? Or is it Type S?

Maybe Type T? Or maybe Type M?

Remember such bad elements come together when you challenge even one of them.

After all such bad elements do naturally form a good company.

But tend to make the company they work with a bad one!

Types P, R, T, M make good friends. And they are loyal stooges of Type V.

Type V loves them all. He also loves Type S and M/D. They are also long-time stooges of Type V.

An interesting question to ask is this - who is to be blamed?

Types P, R, T, M are all culprits. However, the real culprit is Type V.

After all, things tend to percolate from top to bottom.

Newton's law applies very well to a third grade organization too!

Why Employee Opinion Surveys are Useless?

Employee opinion surveys are touted by HR as an important event on their annual calendar.

The whole premise is that such surveys help understand the current levels of employee engagement and help the management "correct" it through HR intervention.

There is a fundamental issue with the above premise - the typical remedial approach of HR and management to "correct" things does not work.

The basic assumption is this: employees will tell the unvarnished truth in such anonymous employee opinion surveys. But will they?

The irony is that such surveys have "funny" questions like the below:

• "The company has an open and transparent culture"
• "It is usually safe to speak up in the company"
• "The management of the company is genuinely willing to listen"

Very ironical. Think about it.

If the above three were true, then the survey is not really required in the first place. Employees would have already shared what they had to!

But if the above three were not true, the responses to the above questions will not matter.

If the responses are all nice and good, the management and HR will pat their back on their own.

It's awkward and hard to pat your own back but in many organizations the management and HR folks become very good at it by repeating it many times, of course for silly reasons.

However, if the responses are not all nice and good, the management and HR will justify and rationalize why that is just normal. 

Employees need to grown up!

Other aspect is related to design of such surveys especially in small-time organizations where at times the number of questions is more than the number of employees!

First, there may be too many questions.

And most of them are very vague - do you think your manager keeps you informed? do you get the resources to perform your job?.

It is ridiculous to assume that any sound-minded professional will not share the above concerns with his or her manager when the situation so warrants but wait for the silly circus of opinion surveys by the HR jokers to share them.

And if employees do indeed wait for the silly survey, then something is fundamentally and majorly wrong with the organization at the most basic level.

Open culture? Transparent culture? Very funny.

Second, the options one has to choose are typically a variant of strongly agree, agree, no opinion or neutral, disagree, strongly disagree.

What does "no opinion" mean. Ideally this should be a 10-pointer (with 1 being least happy with that aspect and 10 being most happy about it).

So if the question is "The company has an open and transparent culture" what does "no opinion" mean?

The culture might be sucking and sickening which would mean 1 or amazing and inspirational which would mean 10. Or based on the employee's perception somewhere in between.

It can and should never be "no opinion".

So even if one employee states "no opinion" that is just one more reason that would make the entire survey completely useless.

Third, such surveys are generally kept anonymous.

Now that means an employee would share certain things in the survey that he can't share otherwise in any other forum.

This is a complete antithetical statement.

If the organization has an open and transparent culture, then employees should have shared their concerns and grievances already.

So no need for any stupid survey.

Such exercises shouldn't be seen as another tick-the-box by the HR folks which it has unfortunately become in the current corporate construct.

Fourth, these surveys are run by the management and its close-knit coterie for the lesser mortals.

So obviously, they are not required to participate in such surveys.

This shows the sick culture prevalent in such organizations where there is clear demarcation of "Us" versus "Them".

Again, this goes against the very notion of an open and transparent culture. 

This ganging up means should an employee decide to be honest in such surveys and provides the real/raw feedback about the style of management (or rather the lack of it) of the top folks including the close-knit coterie, they will refute it collectively.

The "Us" would simply conclude that the "Them" need to grow up.

Such feedback will be disowned, disparaged and conveniently thrown to the trash bin.

Above tendency is generally highly prevalent in the small-time, Lala-driven and and coterie-infested companies.

These are the so-called "Desi" and the "Pseudo-MNC" companies.

However and very unfortunately, such surveys will continue to happen as a ritualistic exercise by the HR every year.

That would be the case since such surveys tend to serve the "real" but ultimately useless agenda of the management and its close-knit coterie very well. 

Such surveys become yet another management tool (or manipulation tool, if you like) in the hands of the "Us" while dealing with the "Them".

The top dog would say, "Look, we have an open and transparent culture, that's why our HR does this thing, this annual employee opinion survey, as we genuinely want to know what they think".

It is quite amusing to note that the top dog conveniently forgets what stops employees from sharing their concerns otherwise. Why a survey?

As the top dog is saying the above, you can well imagine the manipulative HR head, sitting next to the top man with a Cheshire cat smile, glancing cunningly at the close-knit coterie present in the company's board-room, all nodding their heads with a stupid look on their faces!

It is quite clear that opinion surveys are a mere hogwash and completely useless.

It is useless because the "Us" - the indispensable management and its close-knit coterie all fully understand what is really going on (how much they genuinely care is anybody's guess).

It is useless because the "Them" - the dispensable employees also fully understand the drama being performed in the name of opinion survey where survey counts (for the HR, to tick the box) but not the opinions!

And it might very well happen that the person who was "highly engaged" as per the opinion survey responses drops his resignation letter the very next day.

When the Head of Operations is Incompetent and Doesn't Take Ownership

In some organizations the head of operations doesn't do justice to his role.

He is there simply because he is a close confidante and a mindless, blind loyalist of the top dog.

They most certainly would have worked with each other in the past and being a "yes sir" man the top dog loves his operations head.

After all, which dog is not fond of its puppy?

And since he is a trusted lieutenant and close confidante of the top dog and in full know of his dirty secrets he doesn't need to have competence and take ownership of the tasks assigned to him.

Competence and ownership were never the reasons why he was put in the position of the head of operations in the first place. He never deserved to be one.

That way, this person is an epitome of stupidity and low intelligence.

He doesn't know the stuff but has a strong position by virtue of his blind loyalty to the top dog. He would shout, sit and shake as dictated by the top dog.

Basically, he has no mind of his own.

Such a head of operations can survive only in an organization where he is a part of the coterie of the top dog.

He and others in the coterie are there since they lick the feet and the back of the top dog.

As a consequence, such a person can cause tremendous damage to the level of professionalism in the company as also the level of accomplishments by the company.

Any company like the above is doomed for closure, if not today then tomorrow.

Presence of a top dog who likes to surround himself with "yes sir" puppies with a head of operations who is incompetent and doesn't take ownership (like the other puppies in the coterie) can have only one fate eventually.

Shut down.

So if you are in such a company, you must realize you are in grave danger.

Protect yourself by moving on before the dooms-day.

The Naked Dance of Increments and Promotions

In many organizations, especially small-sized and stooge-infested ones, there is this naked dance of increments and promotions that is repeated every year.

The naked dance is carried out like a tribal ritual in a total unprofessional and even obscene manner by all concerned - the pack of joker-like executive management, the top dog and his pet coterie and the lesser mortals.

The lesser mortals erupt in elation and joy or anguish and sadness when they get the letter, depending on what the letter of increment contains.

The naked dance follows soon thereafter!

The lesser mortals are distributed the letters in a company-wide meeting where the top dog calls out the names of the lesser mortals and hands them the letters.

The CEO is such companies is nothing short of a Joker-like Lunatic (JL) who along with his Nasty Stooge (NS) decides who gets what.

And this meeting is as funny as one can image it could be!

Or, in some other crap organizations the lesser mortals are sent emails with the letters (in electronic format with password) copied to one of the coterie of the top dog.

Department heads and managers in both such organizations are basically made to look like fools.

There is no meeting, no discussion with the department head. In fact, they are not even informed about what transpires in the secret, dirty meetings of the top dog and his pet pups.

The emails that go to the lesser mortals is based on the discussion of the MD in such companies who are basically viciously stupid (VS) and carry out their con jobs using the person taking care of such matters who is a rat-like scoundrel (RS).

The mails are not copied to the department heads and managers but to the stooges who form the coterie of the top dog.

Those in the coterie come in many forms. There are those who are experts in toxic silence (TS), or like a maverick kid (MK) or a piddly pest (PP).

The above characters in these organizations make the performance appraisal process which should ideally be handled in an immaculately professionally-run manner culminate in the naked dance of increments and promotions.

So do you see naked dance of increments and promotions in your organization?

If no, lucky you.

If yes, you are in a bad company. Period.

And if you know what situation you are in, and you are a real professional and not a stooge who is a part of the coterie you should remain that way.

Don't get up and do the naked dance.

Remain professional.

Don't even join when others are doing the naked dance.

Lala Company, Top Dog, Cronyism, Mediocrity and Stooges

Question: What is the common thread across these - Lala Company, Top Dog, Cronyism, Mediocrity and Stooges?

Answer: These are tell-tale signs that if the company you are currently working has any one of the above attributes, it will really have all.

In any case, if you are smart, you will figure this out on your own!

So what are the points you need to keep in mind while working in such a company?

• If you are not one of the stooges of the top dog in such a company, you better be on the lookout to move on sooner than latter.
• The top dog and his stooges have special privileges like "unofficially declared" reserved parking slots (despite the top dog claiming to be otherwise), being served some of the menu items in a plate on the lunch table itself, secret meetings that only the cronies attend.
• The performance appraisal process is run by the top dog and his cronies. Other senior professionals are made to look like fools in the entire process.
• The top dog would blatantly ask you to involve and keep in loop his stooge for that area. Yes, he will appoint stooges to oversee areas where professionals are working and not his cronies.
• The top dog is expert in creating a beautiful facade of professionalism and progressive thinking but scratch the surface and what you see beneath is a dirt-laden, toxic lala company with stooges in key positions, and a company full of cronyism and mediocrity.
• Such a company proudly announces that X% of employees are there with us for more than 10 years, Y% of employees are there with us for more than 5 years and similar nonsense. What it won't tell is that most of such employees are good for nothing, can't find another job and are basically living a retired corporate life in that company. And no wonder, this list will include the top dog, his stooges and his cronies.
• The HR in such a company is not trust-worthy. On any issue the stand of the HR head will be the stand of the top dog and this will be so since HR head will be a key stooge. In fact, the HR head has no stand, the top dog will ask him what exactly to do (including when to wag his tail, when to bark and when to bite).
• The top dog and his trusted stooges will go for lunch together and never mingle informally with other employees over then lunch table. However, in official parties they will come across as over-casual and totally ludicrous that at times may border on sheer non-sense.
• The top dog will promote his stooges and cronies based on loyalty. Mediocrity is the true name of the game. In such companies merit has no place and those who say "yes sir" more number of times get promoted!
• The stooges are not really that competent and are there in the good books of the top dog only due to blind loyalty. And they remain in the good books by being a nice puppy to the top dog and follow his orders to the hilt (including when to wag the tail, when to bark and when to bite).
• When someone resigns in such a company, the HR, the stooges and the top dog, secretly work like mad behind the scenes (the actual head of department is not kept in the loop - he can as well go get lost!), do some non-sense to retain the employee and then claim that they have done a fantastic job in employee retention. What they forget is that such a thing never happens in a professional company.
• The top dog maintains a facade of openness, transparency and professionalism on the surface that may mislead you completely at times about what is truly under and inside the facade. But if you provide him a different perspective and are not his "yer sir" stooge, he will discard his layer of artificial professionalism in no time and show his true, ugly side.
• The stooge appointed by the top dog in your area will remain silent most of the times not because he wants to but because he is simply incompetent. However, when the top dog has an axe to grind against you he will use the stooge as his henchman.
• The top dog and stooge will force you to take someone in the team who is as incompetent as them in that area. This person becomes their informer and can make life hell for you. For the top dog and the stooge this gives them secret power over you. Your position is always kept weak so that you always remain unsettled.

Well, there are certainly many more points one can talk about. The above provide a good glimpse into the aspects you should consider when working in such a company.

So if you observe any of the following in your current organization - Lala Company, Top Dog, Cronyism, Mediocrity and Stooges - you got to be alert and very careful.

When it comes to good, bad and ugly, you must remember that you should be prepared to come across most of ugly, lot of bad and little or no good when you work in such companies.

Of course, when they hire you the impression the top dog and the stooges will create is that most of it is good, a little is bad but no ugly.

Don't fall for the lie!

But in case you have already fallen for the lie - poor, wretched you.

You must get out, and that too very fast!